#7 Go to a Concert

Concerts are a great place to enjoy a high quality of music in a non-social environment. “Nonsocial?” you say, “you’re surrounded by people, how could it be nonsocial?” Because everyone is so consumed by the music being made and their own reaction to it that they don’t have time to worry about you. AND it’s almost impossible to hold a conversation unless you know ASL, so it’s like blasting the music on your headphones except you have a reason to get dressed up, do your makeup, buy a ticket, and feel fancy. Granted I don’t get up and dance to the music or scream and yell with everyone else, but it’s nice to sit there and watch both the performers and listeners having the time of their life.

I guess it comes down to people watching. I think that if you observe someone displaying a strong enough emotion, it starts to rub off – like when you watch videos of soldiers coming home and hugging their family, you have to cry, it’s a rule! And likewise, when you watch so many people display such euphoria, you can’t help but feel a bit of it too. Even if it is only temporary.

Temporary is better than nothing.

So whether it’s an a Capella concert, rock, ballet, or the opera, buy a ticket, get all fancy, and go. Get out of the house and let the music—and the people around you—relieve the dark omnipresent pressure that surrounds you most other times.

# 6 Discover a new show

I had dinner with my best friend the other day and she could not stop talking about the new show that she found: Last Man Standing. We watched a couple episodes and lo and behold it was phenomenal! It's with Tim Allen and is seriously exactly like Home Improvement, but he has three daughters instead of three sons -- it's literally a brilliant concept and is just as hilarious as the original. 

I know it sounds lazy and unproductive, usually when we sit around and watch TV we think, "Well I guess that was a lazy day." And we beat ourselves up about it. We make ourselves feel awful for taking some time off and then sink ourselves deeper into our own little self-designed pit of misery.

Why is this an awful thing?

Sure if we sat in front of the TV all day, every day (like we do for a solid week during the summer) then it would be awful and some self-degradation might be called for. But we don't. Just like it would be terrible to eat nothing but ice cream or drink nothing but soda, it would be terrible to do nothing all day but watch TV. My point is: everything in moderation. 

Set some time for yourself to do something for yourself. Something that can help you unwind and relax after a day filled with the world's crap. TV is a harmless way to do that. One episode a night before bed is not going to kill you. Neither is turning it on during the weekend when you're cleaning you house. I promise you won't die as long as it isn't the only thing you do.

Stop putting yourself down for doing something for yourself.

Now find a TV show (I highly recommend Last Man Standing) and sit yourself down with a home cooked meal. Relax. Chill. Let yourself be lazy for 40 minutes.

It's okay.

#5 Find one thing that works

I know that it is a really, REALLY long arduous process, but we really have to find on thing that works. One thing that makes us just a little bit better for just a little while. 

Now let me make it clear that I'm talking about constructive things like reading, cooking, hiking -- Please do not take this as an excuse to go spend hundreds of dollars because it makes you feel better, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about things that improve your inner self. Set a budget for it (mine is $20) and do it once a month. 

For me it was difficult, I tried reading because I love reading and it was a great place to start. But all it did was transport me into another world where my problems and my life were forgotten and that isn't helpful. I needed something that would help me cope with life, not forget it. 

So I tried writing. I'm awful, but the plots weren't too bad and the characters were great; it was pretty much a journal in fictional story form. But that also consumed my life with thinking about this fictional realities and escaping from my own.

The next attempt was cooking. I had always been fairly good, so it was time to break out the Pinterest account and try a few of the couple hundred recipes that I had pinned six years ago -- come on, we all know this to be every woman's reality. I would pick 2 recipes a month, make them double and then save the left overs, but after 3 months I got really tired of having left overs all the time but also really did not want to spend the energy of cooking something different all the time, plus that is way too much money. So fail. I went back to my one nice meal a month and everything else being freezer pizza, grilled cheese and soup, dehydrated hashbrowns and some eggs -- my simple go to's.

Finally, at the end of my string, I was giving up. I thought that I had tried everything and so apparently nothing would help. This was just a feeling that I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life with no relief. But I was wrong. 

By divine inspiration I realized that there was one friend that I hadn't seen since finals the previous semester who was going through some similar struggles although completely unique to her (as all trials are). I missed that class and the time that we had been able to spend together acing the class while also talking for a good portion of it. Why not give it a try?

So we went out for hot chocolate at a local coffee house (sorry, mormons here, no caffeine) =) and slowly but surely, conversation flowed and flowed and flowed, and it was great. It wasn't awkward because I knew that the other person had been where I was at some point and that I didn't have to hide. There was no need to pretend to be some one else, my stage self as I like to call it. With no pretenses it was easy to be truthful in everyway as we talked about everything from work to guys to trials to rent -- literally pretty much everything. 

And I felt a momentary relief. 

What I'm trying to say is that there is something out there, different for everyone, but there is something for you that can give you even a sliver of rest from the crap of life's burden. 

Find it. 

Try new things, experiment. 

Don't be upset if some of them fail because I promise that some of them will. 

Just find one thing that helps and then keep doing it. 

Don't stop.

# 4 Actually see people

I know that socializing is definitely among one of the least favorite things to do when you feel like you have energy, and I totally feel that, I would happily spend the week in my own little world with minimal social interaction. But I've come to realize that this isn't healthy. 

This year I've made a conscious effort to god somewhere with someone once a month. I've been bowling with some people from work, to the grand canyon with some friends, a couple nights out with the roommates, simple things like this. Do I think it's fun? yes. Would I do it every weekend? definitely not, it just isn't me. But having some interaction with the world is a good thing. 

Some easy ideas:

- Find a t.v. show you and a friend both really like (for me it's Doctor Who) and get together every week to watch the new episode. Bring some ice cream and hot chocolate and voila, good to go. 

- Find somewhere in town that does swing dancing and go with a friend. Chances are you won't dance much, but it's fund to watch and there's no pressure to actually talk to someone because the music is so cranked.

- make regular hiking trips, like every Monday and just post on fb to see if anyone wants to join, you'll usually get a couple people each time and voila easy outing.

I'm not saying all the time, and I'm not saying that you can't still have your alone time. Heck, if I wasn't able to lock myself in my room and read a book for hours on end, I'm pretty sure I would die. But the occasional outing is good. Keeps us human. Set a goal, keep it small, and don't back out.

# 3 Music is always the answer

Maybe I'm biased because it's my major, but music has the ability to do whatever we need. For example: 

If I need to calm down, I listen to my "Chill Time" playlist. 

If I need more energy, I listen to my "Hype Up" playlist.

If I need a little more holiday spirit, then there's the "Tis the Season" list

Spirituality is all under the "His Day" playlist.

All of the feels and pain? I go to my make believe world of "Renitalm" and listen to the gods and goddesses of R&B/Soul music: Sam Smith, Adele, etc. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

No matter what crap is going on in life, music understands. It is quite literally my best, most compassionate friend in the world. Within minutes my worries are gone and I can move on with my life.

So make some playlists, reach out to different genres, become a well-rounded, eclectic person that can see the bright side of every awful song. It's worth it. 

In order to move on to what I want to become I have to leave behind some of the mistakes that I've made. Music helps me come to terms with my actions, accept the consequences, and encourages me to push forward, striving for better things. The struggle is definitely real, but it is also going to be worth it.

I have to believe that.

# 2 Water is power

How many times do we reach for a glass and fill it with milk, juice, hot chocolate, koolaid -- pretty much anything but water? Sure these things are delicious and we can justify that they all have some amount of water in them, but that does not make them a substitute. Water makes up about 55-75% of our body, depending on gender and age, that should be the first clue. Our bodies need water and they need it bad. 

Did you know that the brain is 75% water? Now I'm no scientist, but my visual mind runs wild with the following picture: if we don't drink enough water I can see my mind withering like a flower, collapsing and caving in. Of course that's what it feels like sometimes when life gets us down. 

Some of the benefits of water?

1. Energizes muscles

2. Healthy skin

3. Control calories

The other benefits are boring, like improved kidney function. Now I'm not saying that water will magically make you feel better, but I am saying that the benefits of drinking water are a good first step. Energy? DEFINITELY need more of that in my life. Healthy skin would be a huge benefit, I would feel better about my appearance. And controlling calories? do I even need to explain? I know I'm not the only one that hates looking at the scale only to see that I've gained 3 pounds. Then I go don't want to go to the gym because I don't have energy and I don't take care of myself because it isn't worth it and so I get acne and skin problems. 

Step one? Drink water.

Sure maybe one day I'll get around to eating healthy, but when ice cream, hot chocolate, and cookie dough are the only things keeping me a functional human being, I've got to compromise. That compromise is little steps at a time. My only goal is to be better today than I was yesterday.

So let's raise that glass and chug it down for the hope of a better quality of life.

# 1 Clean house equals clean mind

I did some experimenting with this yesterday. I was in the slummest of slums, had to come home early from an outing and what do I see? The kitchen is a complete mess. To sum up how bad it was, I live with 4 other girls and its finals week. Pretty bad. My mind was already way to stressed about 14 billion other things, seeing the pig sty made me want to literally curl up in a ball and cry. 

But then I realized something. If I get worse when seeing a mess, won't I get better when I see sparkly clean? So I set to work.

1. Turn on calming music. Check

2. Gather ALL of the dishes next the the sink. Check

3. Fill the dishwasher, turn it on, and hand wash the rest. Check.

Now while those are drying, there were a lot of other fish to fry. Like the stove. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't get everything spotless and shiny new, but you know what? it was better and better was all I needed.

4. Wipe down the stove. Check.

5. While you're there, wipe down the microwave. Check.

And just like that, appliances and dishes are done! But then of course obsessive me starts getting frustrated that the counters are so cluttered. So here's round three:

6. Gather everything on the counters that doesn't need to be there. 

Put away what you can and put the rest in a box, out of sight out of mind.

7. Wipe the counters.

8. Now the floors are dirty because you just got all the crap from the counters on them, so you'd better sweep. But forget about moping, waaaaaay too much work.

Last step!

9. Take out the trash and recycles (we all know that they've been building up over time)

And voila, beautiful. Now this isn't a cleaning tutorial, I'm sure you all know how to clean a kitchen. My point is that to get yourself out of a slum you have to be methodical and take small steps at a time. Just one task at a time. Having little tiny objectives is the easiest way to feel like you've actually accomplished something, you do thousands of little things a day. Try and focus on what you've already accomplished and then revel in it. Sit on the counter and marvel at the beautiful work you've just done -- you'll feel just a tiny bit better, I promise. 

I've realized that in all literature, the characters at some point enter a dark period of their life. I'm starting to understand how they felt. The only problem is that when you're in the slum, you can see any way out. The characters always find something that makes them happy and eventually resurrects them, but it isn't that clear cut in reality. It's hard to find something great when you look around and all you see is time, effort, and energy. Nothing sounds fun. 

You're probably expecting the answer. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have it. This is my struggle as much as it is yours. This blog is my journey, my search for answers. I'll let you know when I figure it out.