#9 Write

Some people swear by journals and I mean, I guess I am sort of one of those people. I've kept one my whole life, but I wouldn't say that it's been a healthy habit for me. It usually just became me ranting about something I was super upset about or dreaming about something- or someone - that would turn my whole life around. Needless to say that I was more exhausted than invigorated by my journals. (Now I've started a new type called a bullet journal, but that's a whole different post).

Finally, I realized that those day dreams that I'd been having over and over? They would make for an interesting story. So in 2010 I began with two characters: Kaelin Rever and William Kerrev. An over the last 7 years it has expanded from one chapter to three books. I'm really not quite sure how this happened, or when I became so invested in these characters, but as I go back and read through them, I can clearly see my emotions - my depairs and my triumphs - staring back at me through the pages. Few people in my life even know that this story exists or that I have, in fact, written books. 

But this is for a reason. 

These books were never meant to be read by anyone but me. The story line didn't have to be logical or reasonable because it was only ever for my eyes. It is my journal of sorts. It doesn't necessarily track the events of my life, but rather the greatest temptations and desires of my heart. For me, that's more of a journal than I'll ever need.

And whether I'm traveling cross-country in my car or sitting in a particularly boring meeting, these characters are always there to greet me with perfect familiarity. 

So write. 

It doesn't have to be gramatically perfect or beautifully well-written because it will never be published.

So write.

You will find new friends and adventures that you have been yearning for.

So write.

#8 Go Somewhere New

There's a little thing that I like to call "travelsick." It's the feeling of being in one place too long, becoming so restless that you physically need to get out, leave, and go somewhere. Except for 90% of the time, you can't leave. You have work and obligations, it just isn't possible to run away. 

So at least once a year, find somewhere to go. Whether it's across the country or a town an hour away that you've never been to, go for it. I won't lie, sometimes it's weird because you're alone in this new place without a clue where to eat lunch or go for sight-seeing and usually drivers are crazy and unforgiving for the sudden lane changes because siri forgot to tell you that you would need to be in the right side of the left turn lane to make the change... It's crazy. But it's new and it isn't your everyday monotonous life that's driving you crazy. 

Partly, it's to prove to yourself that you can do it. To prove that you are more than your city, your job, your relationship. To prove that you are capable to doing something spontaneous and exciting.

Last Fall, student teaching was overwhelming me entirely and I had huge certification tests coming up for my teaching lisence... It was not a happy time, so I hopped in my car during Fall Break and drove two hours down to Tucson. I thought I had it all planned out, I could go to Kartchner Caverns, see some local artwork, do some thrift shopping, grab lunch at a cute little cafe on some street corner... Sounds like a perfect day right? Well, it turns out that it costs like $30 dollars to enter the Caverns, an ain't nobody go money for that, so that was a no go. The local artwork? A couple statues of Christ's life (the Last Supper, a Nativity scene, things like that). They were beautiful in their prime, I'm sure, but the city has not maintained them, consequently they were chipped all over the place with the occasional graffiti. Downtown Tucson turned out to be a VERY small area and if you took one step too far, then you ended up in an extremely ghetto neighborhood, where you felt required to look over your shoulder every 15 seconds (making thrift shopping not so fun). For some reason 1/2 of the downtown cafes were closed on Saturday and the ones that weren't closed at 4, so I was left in the dark for dinner. All in all, not a great trip. 

BUT I CAN SAY THAT I WENT.

And I took pictures, documented the trip, wrote in my journal.

Most importantly, I didn't think about my tests at all. And when I thought about student teaching, I was removed from the situation and therefore less keyed up about all the craziness. 

They can also be successful, though. 

A couple weeks ago, I took a road trip from Arizona aaaaaaaall the way to Minnesota for a convention. From a cute duck pond in Albuquerque, to the the adorable town of Tucumcari, and my brother's adorable family in Kansas, it was a great experience! I took plenty of audio books, put some movies on my phone to listen to, and voila, the perfect road trip. On my way back? Randomly decided to swing by my sister's family in Colorado, because why not?

Part of the joy was not having a set timeline. If I wanted to stay an extra day in Kansas, I could. If I wanted to head out a day early, no sweat. And it wasn't super expensive, either. Airbnb saved me $30 a night on housing, bringing a couple sandwiches with me and lots of breakfast options with me, I saved about $50 on food,  and a wonderful app called GasBuddy saved me $90 on food.

So do it. Go somewhere.

Make it the start of a new exciting life. 

#7 Go to a Concert

Concerts are a great place to enjoy a high quality of music in a non-social environment. “Nonsocial?” you say, “you’re surrounded by people, how could it be nonsocial?” Because everyone is so consumed by the music being made and their own reaction to it that they don’t have time to worry about you. AND it’s almost impossible to hold a conversation unless you know ASL, so it’s like blasting the music on your headphones except you have a reason to get dressed up, do your makeup, buy a ticket, and feel fancy. Granted I don’t get up and dance to the music or scream and yell with everyone else, but it’s nice to sit there and watch both the performers and listeners having the time of their life.

I guess it comes down to people watching. I think that if you observe someone displaying a strong enough emotion, it starts to rub off – like when you watch videos of soldiers coming home and hugging their family, you have to cry, it’s a rule! And likewise, when you watch so many people display such euphoria, you can’t help but feel a bit of it too. Even if it is only temporary.

Temporary is better than nothing.

So whether it’s an a Capella concert, rock, ballet, or the opera, buy a ticket, get all fancy, and go. Get out of the house and let the music—and the people around you—relieve the dark omnipresent pressure that surrounds you most other times.

# 6 Discover a new show

I had dinner with my best friend the other day and she could not stop talking about the new show that she found: Last Man Standing. We watched a couple episodes and lo and behold it was phenomenal! It's with Tim Allen and is seriously exactly like Home Improvement, but he has three daughters instead of three sons -- it's literally a brilliant concept and is just as hilarious as the original. 

I know it sounds lazy and unproductive, usually when we sit around and watch TV we think, "Well I guess that was a lazy day." And we beat ourselves up about it. We make ourselves feel awful for taking some time off and then sink ourselves deeper into our own little self-designed pit of misery.

Why is this an awful thing?

Sure if we sat in front of the TV all day, every day (like we do for a solid week during the summer) then it would be awful and some self-degradation might be called for. But we don't. Just like it would be terrible to eat nothing but ice cream or drink nothing but soda, it would be terrible to do nothing all day but watch TV. My point is: everything in moderation. 

Set some time for yourself to do something for yourself. Something that can help you unwind and relax after a day filled with the world's crap. TV is a harmless way to do that. One episode a night before bed is not going to kill you. Neither is turning it on during the weekend when you're cleaning you house. I promise you won't die as long as it isn't the only thing you do.

Stop putting yourself down for doing something for yourself.

Now find a TV show (I highly recommend Last Man Standing) and sit yourself down with a home cooked meal. Relax. Chill. Let yourself be lazy for 40 minutes.

It's okay.

#5 Find one thing that works

I know that it is a really, REALLY long arduous process, but we really have to find on thing that works. One thing that makes us just a little bit better for just a little while. 

Now let me make it clear that I'm talking about constructive things like reading, cooking, hiking -- Please do not take this as an excuse to go spend hundreds of dollars because it makes you feel better, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about things that improve your inner self. Set a budget for it (mine is $20) and do it once a month. 

For me it was difficult, I tried reading because I love reading and it was a great place to start. But all it did was transport me into another world where my problems and my life were forgotten and that isn't helpful. I needed something that would help me cope with life, not forget it. 

So I tried writing. I'm awful, but the plots weren't too bad and the characters were great; it was pretty much a journal in fictional story form. But that also consumed my life with thinking about this fictional realities and escaping from my own.

The next attempt was cooking. I had always been fairly good, so it was time to break out the Pinterest account and try a few of the couple hundred recipes that I had pinned six years ago -- come on, we all know this to be every woman's reality. I would pick 2 recipes a month, make them double and then save the left overs, but after 3 months I got really tired of having left overs all the time but also really did not want to spend the energy of cooking something different all the time, plus that is way too much money. So fail. I went back to my one nice meal a month and everything else being freezer pizza, grilled cheese and soup, dehydrated hashbrowns and some eggs -- my simple go to's.

Finally, at the end of my string, I was giving up. I thought that I had tried everything and so apparently nothing would help. This was just a feeling that I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life with no relief. But I was wrong. 

By divine inspiration I realized that there was one friend that I hadn't seen since finals the previous semester who was going through some similar struggles although completely unique to her (as all trials are). I missed that class and the time that we had been able to spend together acing the class while also talking for a good portion of it. Why not give it a try?

So we went out for hot chocolate at a local coffee house (sorry, mormons here, no caffeine) =) and slowly but surely, conversation flowed and flowed and flowed, and it was great. It wasn't awkward because I knew that the other person had been where I was at some point and that I didn't have to hide. There was no need to pretend to be some one else, my stage self as I like to call it. With no pretenses it was easy to be truthful in everyway as we talked about everything from work to guys to trials to rent -- literally pretty much everything. 

And I felt a momentary relief. 

What I'm trying to say is that there is something out there, different for everyone, but there is something for you that can give you even a sliver of rest from the crap of life's burden. 

Find it. 

Try new things, experiment. 

Don't be upset if some of them fail because I promise that some of them will. 

Just find one thing that helps and then keep doing it. 

Don't stop.

# 4 Actually see people

I know that socializing is definitely among one of the least favorite things to do when you feel like you have energy, and I totally feel that, I would happily spend the week in my own little world with minimal social interaction. But I've come to realize that this isn't healthy. 

This year I've made a conscious effort to god somewhere with someone once a month. I've been bowling with some people from work, to the grand canyon with some friends, a couple nights out with the roommates, simple things like this. Do I think it's fun? yes. Would I do it every weekend? definitely not, it just isn't me. But having some interaction with the world is a good thing. 

Some easy ideas:

- Find a t.v. show you and a friend both really like (for me it's Doctor Who) and get together every week to watch the new episode. Bring some ice cream and hot chocolate and voila, good to go. 

- Find somewhere in town that does swing dancing and go with a friend. Chances are you won't dance much, but it's fund to watch and there's no pressure to actually talk to someone because the music is so cranked.

- make regular hiking trips, like every Monday and just post on fb to see if anyone wants to join, you'll usually get a couple people each time and voila easy outing.

I'm not saying all the time, and I'm not saying that you can't still have your alone time. Heck, if I wasn't able to lock myself in my room and read a book for hours on end, I'm pretty sure I would die. But the occasional outing is good. Keeps us human. Set a goal, keep it small, and don't back out.

# 3 Music is always the answer

Maybe I'm biased because it's my major, but music has the ability to do whatever we need. For example: 

If I need to calm down, I listen to my "Chill Time" playlist. 

If I need more energy, I listen to my "Hype Up" playlist.

If I need a little more holiday spirit, then there's the "Tis the Season" list

Spirituality is all under the "His Day" playlist.

All of the feels and pain? I go to my make believe world of "Renitalm" and listen to the gods and goddesses of R&B/Soul music: Sam Smith, Adele, etc. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

No matter what crap is going on in life, music understands. It is quite literally my best, most compassionate friend in the world. Within minutes my worries are gone and I can move on with my life.

So make some playlists, reach out to different genres, become a well-rounded, eclectic person that can see the bright side of every awful song. It's worth it. 

In order to move on to what I want to become I have to leave behind some of the mistakes that I've made. Music helps me come to terms with my actions, accept the consequences, and encourages me to push forward, striving for better things. The struggle is definitely real, but it is also going to be worth it.

I have to believe that.